Icy uno sweatin’ on the hardwood custard
Cold blooded, black mamba, venom
Drip when I lock on you baby!
Poppa shoulda warned me, you’d amaze me!
Pinballin’ me, fugazi!
My heart, tilt, when you play me
Mr Lamar stands correct when he preached to me about man’s hypocrisy
See I dragged my foundation through the fields we nit picked for money!
I’m talkin’ trailer in the middle of the devil’s green field of money!
Constant overcoming deep in strawberry knee-made honey!
Vanished over a rib!
A wild bunny!
There is always this knot in me. The constant pull of doing what I need to do versus doing what I want to do. Everyone says “it’s a balance.” I get it. It is a balance. But sometimes the joy of getting my “needs” done outweighs the “joy” of getting to do things I “want to do.” It’s at a point where going out for the first time in weeks makes me feel guilt. I went out with friends last night and we discussed music, a beautiful conversation on a new album in hip-hop. It was fun, but there was still this little splinter that kept poking at me. “You know better”. It tells me I have nothing to celebrate yet. And the constant pull of balance always reminds me that I have and am, making progress. It’s just that splinter that irritates me. It says again:
“NOW HOW DID WE GET TO THIS LEVEL, NOT BY DOING THIS. GO CLEAN YOUR ROOM.” LOL
I think the guilt comes from a constant reminder of where I came from, where I am, and where I can be.